Remember
by teddylupin-snape
Summary: Remember when I told you to only go so far / Remember when I told you to only be gone for so long / Remember that you're my backbone / Remember just how much I need you / Because I can only cope without you for so long / And with you gone, I can only get so far. /::/ For Paula


**For Paula.**

_Remember when I told you to only go so far_

"Where are you going?" Remus' cry was desperate. He caught Sirius on the arm in the middle of the street, pavement slick from the rain.

"You can't expect me to just sit here, Remus! I need to fight, you know I need to go. You could come—"

"You know full well I couldn't." Remus glanced up towards the sky for a fraction of a second before returning his gaze to Sirius' steely grey eyes. "Full moon's tomorrow night, in case you've forgotten." Remus' voice was growing as cold as the rain falling on the two of them.

Taking a deep breath, he continued. "You're not going to die, Sirius. Not in this war, not if I can help it. You and I both know that's what's bound to happen if you leave now, and I'm not about to let you out there when you could be safe at home."

"Rem, I'll be fine, but I can't just sit at home, not tonight. Go rest, I'll be back before you know it."

"No. No, I'm not going to go and sit, wondering if you're coming back or not—"

"I'll be safe, I promise. I just need to make sure that they're fine."

"James and Lily've got every protection Dumbledore can give them, they'll be safer than you if you leave."

Sirius shut his eyes firmly, balancing thoughts of what would happen if he didn't go or what he'd be leaving behind if he did. "I can't take that risk. At least with you home, I know you'll be safe. I love you," he murmured, kissing Remus briefly. Sirius turned, full of deliberation, towards the garage that housed his flying motorbike. He mounted it, sending a last look to Remus before revving the engine and pulling out of the garage and into the night.

_Remember when I told you to only be gone for so long_

Remus laid restlessly in bed for hours that night, turning at the slightest of sounds, wand held a bit too tightly to be entirely comfortable. He knew he needed to sleep – the full moon was bad enough, Remus needed to be well-rested – but with the uncertainty on when Sirius would be back (_if_ he'd be back), rest was a lost cause.

Remus needed Sirius to come back. He needed him to be safe, and the same for Lily, James, and Peter. Remus hated all the doubt and insecurity the war brought upon them, but what more could he do about it than hope?

Time stretched on, painfully slow. He began counting the minutes, then seconds, just to make sure there were only sixty in a minute, that time really was working properly. Funny, he mused, how time moves so bloody slow when all that he has to do is wait.

_Remember that you're my backbone_

"Hagrid, please." Sirius' mind was swimming – James and Lily couldn't be… _no_—but wasn't it his duty as godfather to take care of Harry if a situation like this arose? He tried to talk fast, remembering Remus at home. "I'll take care of Harry, he's my godson."

"Sorry, Black. Dumbledore's orders."

"Where're you taking him?" Sirius looked down at Harry, who lay in Hagrid's arms, with fierce protection.

"You know Lily's sister and her family are the only relatives he's got left." Hagrid spoke softly, as though he was unhappy with the arrangement, but he was too duty-bound to Dumbledore to go against his bidding.

"Remus and I are more family to him than they'll ever be. Please, Hagrid. Let us take care of him for you."

"You can take that up with Dumbledore. I'll take him to his aunt and uncle's, if Dumbledore changes his mind he can deal with that. Sorry."

"I'll talk to him." He turned to Harry, pushing aside the blanket barely covering his face, leaning down over him and whispering "Everything's gonna be just fine, Harry. I love you, I'll see you soon, alright?" (to which Harry responded a soft and energetic "_Pafoo_!").

"I should get back home." Sirius continued. "D'you want the bike, Hagrid? To take Harry." He tried to keep his breathing steady, but failed. Hagrid agreed, holding Harry gingerly and mounting the motorbike before starting the engine.

"I'll bring your bike back to you when he's there safely." Hagrid tried to give Sirius a reassuring smile, but the latter simply nodded absentmindedly, not looking at him.

_Remember just how much I need you_

Remus watches the clock through the night. His eyelids become heavy, but he doesn't – _can't_ – sleep. The steady _tick-tock_ing of the clock becomes like a metronome, and that along with his heartbeat gives him something to focus on for hours. Before realizing just how long he's sat waiting, day breaks outside his window, and Remus takes a deep breath, hoping against hope that nothing's gone too terribly wrong.

.

"You know I'd never—" Sirius breathed. The street was demolished around him, and Peter had gone. He was hardly aware of the Muggles that lay dead at his feet. All Sirius could focus on now was that two of his best friends were dead at the hands of another – it'd been Peter. All along, Peter. How had he been so thick to not've seen it coming? Harry was going to live with Muggles who couldn't stand the thought of James and Lily, and Remus was alone at home, surely worrying and definitely not getting the rest he needed.

And there was Sirius, right in the middle of the scene, the clear traitor and murderer.

Maybe it was all his fault.

.

By four o'clock in the morning, Remus had given up any hope of sleeping. He sat at the small table in the kitchen, a cup of tea gone cold in his hands. How long he'd sat there, he couldn't be sure. Hours, at the very least. Before him on the table, delivered quite some time ago, lay the day's paper.

And there, written in black and white, was the reason behind his lost sleep. _Black Strikes Twice: The Potters and Thirteen Others Dead_.

_Because I can only cope without you for so long_

_And with you gone, I can only get so far._

**For GGE 2014 (May) for Paula, who asked for angsty Wolfstar (I tried, I haven't been in an angsty mood lately, sorry!). Also for the Represent that Character Challenge. The bits in italics are mine.**


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